wishful thinking?

I was watching a Japanese TV programme (I do that often, so that I don't forget what I've paid to learn) about the birth of babies of different families.

Now ppl who knows me well enough would know that I have both of my fallopian tubes removed due to actopic pregnancy. I've never tried to hide it from anyone, so basically whoever brings it up I would make it clear that it takes more if I wanted a child of my own.

Adrian is well aware of it + he has 2 from his last marriage so it's not essential. However, as the day approaches, I feel the urge more... strange because I've never felt that way before, never ever have I had the desire to have a child.

However, because Adrian is such a wonderful man (you should see his interaction with the kids, it's wonderful), the idea of having a child (a girl of course) with him sounds like a good idea -- that's why I wasn't against it when Adrian asked. In fact, I thought, if I had a father like Adrian, I would be a very very happy daughter. That's why I told him we could try but I don't think we should push it... he agreed.

Tonight, after watching that TV programme. I felt something else. I imagined (I did!!! I've never done anything like that before coz I just can't...) I was the one suffering from the pain and the uncertainty and all that... some of the stories put tears to my eyes -- a blind forty year-old mom + a husband who works as a volunteer; a young wife + a husband old enough to be her father; a premature baby born at 25 weeks that weighed only 568g at birth; a young ex-gangster father confessing his pass to the in-laws before the baby was born... these ppl are courageous. They actually made me felt like a coward... hmm...

A baby girl would be perfect... wishful thinking?

I thought it was...

I somehow thought it was our last day -- 30th April 2009. But no, they've asked us to go back to work on the 4th of May -- the next Monday, and that iPL will give us a letter for the extension of through the month of May...

I went back because it's a team thing --- all of us have got to be there somehow or there won't be a team... I don't know what it meant but for the sake of some of the teammates who have families to support, I went back.

What pissed me off big time was that iPL couldn't give us any form of confirmation on that day, nothing in writing. and still, Greg, our SPM, expected us to come back the nex day... without anything in writing. What do they think we are? NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION? I don't know who is to blame but definitely not us!

We received the letter on the 5th of May and our pay on the 6th of May, without the compensation & the annual leave pay. Ha! Great. One more month.

It was last Thursday, 21st August. Venetian's representative told us that there'll be an extension but there's no detail yet. Great.

Whatever it is, we're gonna farewell ourselves next Wednesday: Mortons for Power Hours and then Newway Karaoke!! F**k it. I have a life --- I'm not here to lick their toes! I don't give a damn -- dismiss me if they want. I thought they were professionals but no, just a bunch of professional w**kers!